Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
