she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
