bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
