oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
