____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
