some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
