haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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