You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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