my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Couch. On fire.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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