watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
