Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
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So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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