then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
