True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
