so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
