well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
