I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
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He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats