Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?