I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.