Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things