I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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