When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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