I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Randomize
