I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
