question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
