Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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