Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
