My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
