pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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