I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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