i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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