Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
last night I used snow as a chaser
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
