Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
