So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
