Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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