some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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