You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
