dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
