tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
