Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
