I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
