you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
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He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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