Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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