Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
