Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
