2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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