these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
