I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
