Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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