I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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