Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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