watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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