I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
