my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
