I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
