We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
