Ketchup is God's man juice
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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