Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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