We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
