I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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