The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
