While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
