There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
